(Not) Chef Mark's Guacamole

Next week is the [REDACTED] and whether you are a cheese head, waive a yellow towel, or like most of us whose team didn’t make the [REDACTED] you can probably agree that every [REDACTED] party needs some guacamole. Unfortunately the [REDACTED] is played in January February and not between May and November, otherwise I would just go to the Collingswood Farmers Market and buy the best guacamole ever. When the farmer’s market is open Chef Mark Smith, chef/owner of the Tortilla Press in Collingswood and the Tortilla Press Cantina in Pennsauken spends his Saturday mornings cooking breakfast and selling his hand-made tortilla chips, salsa, and the world’s best guacamole.

Since I can’t go to the farmer’s market, and I’m not sure if Mark does take-out, I “stole” his recipe. After a painstaking process involving a centrifuge, a trip to the Fermilab particle accelerator and a few calls to this guy, I developed this recipe for a passable facsimile of the best guacamole ever.

Ingredients

• Hass Avocados
• Plum Tomatoes
• Fresh Cilantro
• Vidalia Onion
• Jalapenos
• Limes (juiced)
• Salt

I base the amounts of the ingredients on the number of avocado’s with an N-1 approach. For 4 avocados it use 3 tomatoes, jalapenos and limes. The onion, cilantro, and seasonings I mix to taste.

Avocado ripeness: Hass avocados are grown year round in California and distributed nationwide. You can tell how ripe an avocado is from both its color and firmness. Ripe avocadoes are purplish-black and firm, yet giving. If you squeeze the avocado in your hand it will almost feel like it has a soft layer right under the skin. Green avocados need to ripen and mushy ones or ones with soft spots are over-ripe.

Tools

• Citrus reamer
• Knives
• Cutting board
• Mixing bowl and spoons
• Potato Masher
• Liquid Measuring cup

Instructions

Dice or chop the onion. Remove the stems and seeds from the tomatoes and jalapenos then dice. Clean, dry and chop the cilantro and set all the chopped ingredients

Avocados brown quickly when exposed to air, but mixing with a little acid prevents the browning. My technique is to juice the limes into a measuring cup and pour a couple tablespoons of lime juice into the mixing bowl before touching the avocados. For the first three avocados, peel and mash each one into the bowl with the lime juice before moving on to the next one. Add a little lime juice (1/4-1/2 tsp) with each avocado. Depending on how chunky you like your guacamole, you can chop instead of mashing all or part the last avocado. My preference is to chop half the last avocado.

Fold as much of diced tomatoes, jalapenos and onion as desired. Add about a tablespoon of the chopped cilanto and about a teaspoon of salt.

Refrigerate the guacamole for about an hour to let the flavors build, then adjust the lime juice, salt and cilantro to taste.

Enjoy!

Other notes: I think the NFL is stupid for not being so restrictive with [REDACTED] and forcing people to use the term “Big Game” instead, especially considering the creation of the term [REDACTED] is disputed.

Grilled Buffalo Wings

It's football season again and, as everyone knows, the absolute best food to eat while watching a game is PIZZA. Buffalo wings, however, run a close second and are the most requested item for me to bring to football parties. Over the years, I have cooked wings every method conceivable. I started by putting oil in an 8qt pot and frying them on my (electric) stove which is very, very messy. Eventually I bought a deep fryer and used that for a long time. At one point, I owned two deep fryers just for making wings. After Wifey came along and complained the house smelled like oil when I fried, I took to baking the wings, but it took forever (over an hour) and the wings never seemed crisp, so I moved to the grill. First I grilled the wings and after they completely cooked, tossed them in sauce, but no one liked them. My cousin Mike told me how he and his brother grilled wings once, and the rest, as they say, is history. The technique is to cook the wings by alternating between grilling and braising, which imparts both the grilled smokiness and sauce spiciness into the wings. My grill is close to my back door, and as long as there isn’t snow on the ground I don’t mind grilling all winter. I make this recipe all the way into December (they are a must for my annual Army-Navy game bash)


Ingredients

• Wings
• Salt
• Pepper
• Hot sauce of choice

Tools

• Grill
• Pan
• Tongs
• Meat Thermometer

Instructions
Tyson, Purdue, and other companies sell bags of individually quick frozen wings in supermarkets. Defrost the wings, and season with salt and pepper, or a dry rub if desired. Heat the grill until it has a medium high heat (350-400 degrees if you have a thermometer on your grill). Grill the wings for about a minute per side directly on the grate. Put the wings into a roasting pan and cover with sauce. Leave the pan on the grill and cook with the lid closed for about five minutes. Return the wings to the grill for another couple minutes, then back in the sauce for five. It usually takes three or four cycles for the wings to get fully cooked. Use an insta-read meat thermometer if you want to make sure the wings are done (160 degrees F).

Notes on sauces: You can use any sauce you want. I like Steve and Eds Buffalo Wing sauce, because it gives some heat, but my mom will eat them.

Homemade sauces can be cooked right in the roasting pan. Just put the ingredients in while the grill is preheating and turn the wings over the first time you put them in the pan.

A note on the thermometer: A good insta-read thermometer is indispensable in the kitchen. I recommend ThermoWorks Super-Fast Thermapen (now Splashproof). Simply the best cooking thermometer I've ever had.

Soakin' the Mugs

Saturday marks the beginning of the college football season, followed quickly by the start of the NFL season. Of course that means drunk-fests tailgating. While the Red Solo Cup is the tailgating standard, I prefer to drink out of something a little more personalized, and eco-friendly: the pewter mug. Some people don't like mugs because they taste like metal, but that's because pewter mugs used for drinking beer need to be seasoned by soaking them in beer. The soak is similar to treating cast iron pans, the beer fills in any nooks and crannies in the pewter and prevents the metallic taste. Since the beer the mugs are soaked in gets thrown away, it doesn't make any sense to use good beer for the soaking. Actually my friends and I like to brag about how bad a beer we can find for the soak. Over the years, I have used Mickey's Malt Liquor, Coors Light, and Natural Light. This year's choice was Schmidt, rolling in at a whopping $5 per 12 pack. Here's the details:

Ingredients

• Cheap Beer

Tools

• Mugs
• Appropriate sized container

I own multiple mugs: one for college games, one for NFL games, and wifey has one she really doesn't use, but I soak anyway, so I need a fairly large container and used a 16 quart cooler. Wash out the mugs and set them in the container and fill will beer until the mugs are completely covered. It took me an entire case of beer because the one mug I have is so tall. I let the mugs sit overnight before removing and rinsing. The next part is key: after removing the mugs, just rinse them. Do NOT use soap, it will remove the coating and render the process useless. So stop killing the environment one cup at a time, get a mug or two and get soaking.